


when we meet again (in another life)

by lostromanianpuppy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I have no idea what to tag??, I think literally I just wrote 'surgery' and that was it, M/M, Steve goes back to save Bucky, Tony builds a time machine, but it's just a little mention, but nothing graphic at all, except the time machine AU twist I tried to stick to canon as much as possible, ok wow first fic and this tagging things is hard, there's a mention of a needle so be careful there, there's also a mention of a surgery, yeah I think that's about it for tags um...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostromanianpuppy/pseuds/lostromanianpuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Certain events are fixed points in time. These events should never be changed no matter the circumstance. That doesn’t mean people don’t try. This is what happens when you change a fixed point in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when we meet again (in another life)

Certain events are fixed points in time. These events should never be changed no matter the circumstance. That doesn’t mean people don’t try. This is what happens when you change a fixed point in time.

 

**_January 15, 1945 – The First Time_ **

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?” Bucky says.  
“Yeah and I threw up.” You reply.  
“This isn’t payback is it?”  
“Now why would I do that?” You smirk at Bucky, and he grins back.

You glance at the Commandos, and Gabe says to you, “Hey, we were right, Dr. Zola is on the train. Hydra dispatch just gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s going they must need him bad.”

You look at Bucky, then put on your helmet. You feel good, now that you know you are one step closer to catching Zola. You feel confident, even, as the adrenaline rushes through your system.

The train approaches and you get ready to take the jump. In the back of your mind, you know it’s dangerous, but you don’t feel it. All you feel is the wind in your face, the strain on your arms as you fly towards the train, and the comforting knowledge that Bucky is right behind you. You both land on the train without a hitch.

On the train, you feel a brief moment of panic as Bucky gets locked in the car behind you. But you know he’s a well-trained agent, so you put it out of your mind. It’s the first sign that things aren’t going as planned.

You knock out the Hydra agent trying to kill you, and rush back to Bucky. He’s fighting for his life and running low on ammo. You see fear flash in his eyes as he weighs his options; you see it turn into determination and then surprise as you toss him your gun. Together, you take out the Hydra agent easily. You were always better as a team.

“I had him on the ropes.” Bucky says to you.  
“I know you did.” You respond. It’s a familiar banter that keeps the emotions at bay. Neither of you want to think too hard about that thin line between life and death.

But in the brief moment of relief, neither of you see the Hydra agent coming. He’s the one you knocked out. The one you were supposed to take out, the one you chose not to kill.

You barely manage to shove Bucky behind you before he fires at you. The blue ray of energy deflects off of your shield, but tears a hole in the side of the train car and knocks you to the ground. You struggle to get back on your feet, but the Hydra agent is already firing again. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Bucky pick up your shield. He positions himself between you and the gaping hole in the wall and distracts the Hydra agent. The next blast of blue light sends Bucky flying out of the train car. You scramble to your feet and hurl your shield at the enemy. You don’t even bother to check that he’s out before you are running towards Bucky. He’s barely hanging onto a loose rail.

You climb along the wall trying to reach him, “Grab my hand” you yell, but you hesitate because this body is new and, in your panic, you are skinny Steve Rogers again. Bucky reaches for you, but the loose railing can’t hold his weight. You lunge for him, but it’s too late. All you hear is his scream, all you remember is the look on his face as his plummets away from you. You cling to the side of the train, limbs locked and frozen. You don’t remember how long.

\-------

Peggy finds you at the bar. The bombed-out bar where you and Bucky had spent your last happy night together.

“It wasn’t your fault.” She tells to you, gently. But she doesn’t know. No one does. No one else was there. But you remember. You remember how you hesitated, and you remember Bucky’s face and his scream and your cold, numb limbs clinging to the side of the train. You remember not jumping after him.

\-------

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Tony asks. He scrutinizes you, and you know this is serious because Tony hasn’t cracked a joke in hours. 

You look at the screen in front of you, filled with images of your best friend running himself ragged trying to atone for sins he didn’t commit. You remember his last words to you, “Steve, I’m sorry, I can’t be around you because I can’t get the thoughts of killing you out of my head, and I don’t ever want to hurt you again.” You remember how he couldn’t even meet your eyes.

“Yes, Tony, I’m sure.” You say.

Tony holds up a syringe, “This is the chip,” he says. “Implant this and it will help you stabilize through the timeline jumps. You still might get nausea from the displacement, but it will help you retain your memories after you step into my Time Machine.”

“Okay.” You say, not sure how to respond. 

“I gotta implant it in the prefrontal cortex of your brain.” Tony says gently.

“Okay.” You say again because it’s the only thing you can say.

Tony is looking at you like you’re a spooked animal. You force your face to smile. It’s unconvincing. You can tell by his grimace. But he slaps his thigh and says cheerfully, “Okay, 5 hours of brain surgery, coming right up! I just have to prep Doc Cho and Banner. I’ll ping you when we’re ready.”

 

**_January 15, 1945 – The Second Time_ **

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone—“ Bucky tries to say, but you cut him off.  
“Buck, I want Morita to come instead.”  
Bucky furrows his brow, “Okay well, tell Gabe—“  
“No I mean instead of you. I want Gabe and Morita on this mission. I need you—“  
“What?! No! I’m not staying behi—“ Bucky protests.  
“To stay behind with the other men and man the comms!” You raise your voice.

The men behind you have gone silent and frozen.  Bucky stares at you in disbelief. You take a deep breath and meet his eyes.

“Bucky, _please_ , just this once, just this time, I need you to stay here. Just this once…please…” you plead. You try to convey your desperation through your eyes because the men are behind you, watching.

“Okay.” Bucky says, “Okay.”

\-------

Without Bucky, you get blown out of the side of the train and fall into the ravine below.

You become the Winter Soldier.

\-------

True to Tony’s word, his technology stands up to the Soviet’s mind-wiping machines. You endure it though, to keep your cover. You endure the pain, and the horrors silently. Wherever you can, you help your victims erase themselves and fake their deaths.

One day, they bring in a new soldier, the “New Fist of Hydra” they say, for you to train. His face is covered in a mask and he has a metal arm. Your insides clench and you want to vomit. “It’s not him,” you tell yourself, “It can’t be.”

A few weeks later, you are finally alone with him. As silently and efficiently as you can, you incapacitate him. Your hands shake as they pull the mask from his face. And your tears fall as you look upon him. You repeat Tony’s abort code in your mind and feel reality disintegrate around you.

\-------

 “Cap, you’re back! So does that mean…” Tony trails off.

 

**_January 15, 1945 – The Third Time_ **

“Remember when I—“ Bucky tries to say, but you cut him off, again.  
“Buck, I want Morita to come instead of you”  
“Are you joking?” Bucky laughs.  
“No, Buck,” You stare intently at him, “I need you to stay here, _please_.”

The men behind you fall silent.  Bucky stares at you in disbelief. You take a deep breath and meet his eyes.

“Bucky, _please_ , just this once, just this time, I need you to stay here. Just this once…please…” you plead.

“Okay.” Bucky says, “Okay.”

You remind yourself not to get blown out of the train this time.

You take the zip-line down to the train, but when you get in, you realize Bucky is right behind you. Bile rises up your throat.

“I wasn’t gonna let you leave me behind, punk.” Bucky says with more bravado than he can muster. He can tell something is very wrong.

\------ 

You jump when he falls.

At the bottom of the ravine, you try to find him. You crawl for days. When you catch a glimpse of his blue jacket, you call out to him. But it’s already too late. The Russians have him surrounded. They separate you, saying something about “value” and “America”.

You repeat Tony’s abort code in your mind.

 

**_January 15, 1945 – The Fourth Time_ **

****

**_January 15, 1945 – The Fifth Time_ **

****

**_January 15, 1945 – The Sixth Time_ **

****

**_January 15, 1945 – The Seventh Time…Eight Time…Ninth Time…_ **

“Steve, you can’t keep doing this.” Sam implores, “It’s not healthy. Look at the toll it’s taking on you. How many more times do you think you can watch him die?”

 “I have to find a way, Sam.” Even to your own ears, you sound hollow.

 Sam turns to Tony, “Look we’ve _got_ to do something about this. This cannot continue!” Tony stares back blankly. He hasn’t slept in days.

**_January 15, 1945 – The XXX Time_ **

“You’re not gonna convince me to stay behind, punk.” Bucky smirks.

“Bucky?” You say, incredulously.

“Think you’re so smart? Think you can change the past? Erase all the pain from my life? Think you can save me?” Bucky smirks again, “Think you’re the only one who knows how to time travel?”

You swallow thickly, “Bucky…”

\------ 

“Cap! You’re finally back, thank god!” Tony rushes towards you.

“It’s okay, Tony. I’m, I think I’m okay.” You answer back. But you find the team staring back at you. “What...what happened?”

Sam is the one to reach out to you. He touches your shoulder, as if to provide an anchor. “We’re not entirely sure what happened. Tony says it might be because you’ve jumped through the timeline too many times, it’s unstable.”

“So? What does that mean? I don’t need to jump back in again, so it doesn’t matter if it’s unstable, right?”

Sam sighs, “Steve, it’s Bucky. It’s his timeline you’ve been changing over and over again. At the time we didn’t realize it, but every jump had a cost on him. Every time you messed with his timeline, you were affecting him.”

“ _What does that mean?!_ ” You say angrily.

“It means, he’s fading. Bucky’s losing his grasp on reality. It’s almost like dementia, except worse, it’s not just his mind. It’s his body, too.” Tony says.

You’re shaking again. You thought you were saving him, but this whole time, you’d been killing him. “Is…is there…What can we do?”

“Well, Tony theorizes that if we can reset the timeline, then maybe it will stabilize Bucky.” Bruce says quietly, “But there’s no guarantee it’ll work. And…and you have to stay and relive…everything again. And, and we can’t take your memory chip out because you need it for the jump. So, you’ll remember everything, but this time you can’t change anything.”

You stare at your team. These people you’ve learned to love and trust. They look back at you with sorrow.

“It’s okay,” You whisper, “I can do this.” What choice do you have? You were never meant to live in a world without him.

 

**_January 15, 1945 – The Last Time_ **

You exhale slowly, fighting back your tears. You can do this. For Bucky. Get on the train, capture Zola, let Bucky…let…let Bucky fall. Reset the timeline, save Bucky. 

The last time you find yourself clinging to the side of the train, you hesitate. You hesitate because you know what happens. You know what happens if he doesn’t fall. You still lunge toward him as the railing gives way; you still wish you could’ve caught him. But you watch him fall, anyway.

 

**_January 15, 2017 – Now_ **

You wake up in your bed in Avengers Tower. There’s a figure sitting curled up at the foot of your bed. You jerk into a sitting position. 

“Bucky?” You exhale.

“Maybe this is our best outcome.” Bucky says quietly, “Maybe this is where we’re meant to be, Steve.” And for the first time in a long time, he meets your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay...so this is new and scary since it's my first ever fan fic. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Please be gentle in the comments. I actually prefer to not receive any criticism if that's okay? (Honestly, I'm super afraid and slightly embarrassed. GAH!)
> 
> Thank you to Kellyscams and indigoemrys for giving me the confidence boost to post this.


End file.
